Remember the movie “Ghost”? Demi Moore plays a woman who’s given a chance to speak with her deceased husband (Patrick Swayze). In the last scene, he says his final goodbye and then leans in and gently kisses her as “Unchained Melody” plays in the background (Youtube →). I watch that scene and can’t help but hear the song’s most compelling line: “I’ve hungered for your touch.”
Few things give meaning to our lives as those moments when we feel connected to and understood by another human being. These “connecting moments” impact us at cellular level, and the gains are not simply validation. We feel energized, hopeful, and alive.
Healthy relationships are our best chance for stringing together life-giving, connecting moments. Really special moments won’t happen every day, but when we feel connected to others, it’s powerful medicine. Science has shown that to be true. Healthy relationships can cure many ills, right many wrongs, and bring many gifts.
Relationships between two adults (e.g., marriage) function best when the give-and-take is mutual and balanced. Relationships between adults and children (e.g., parenting, mentoring) usually involve more giving on the part of the adult. For both kinds of relationship, a healthy adult is needed to make them work.
But it can be difficult to start or sustain a healthy relationship. For some folks, relationships are empty and barren; for others, relationships are chaotic and conflicted. Some folks have both kinds.
This site is about how to make sense of the relationships we have and the relationships we want. My hope is to offer clinical wisdom, research knowledge, and common sense so that your relationships bring more joy than stress. If we take this journey together, we’ll discover the gifts that come from healthy relationships.
The 10 Most Useful Facts about Emotions: #1
Today’s post is from a series I call “The 10 Most Useful Facts about Emotions”. I posted an earlier version of this series when I launched DrTimCavell.com (September, 2014). I thought it wise to revisit [...]
Coincidence, Iwo Jima, and the Original Dr. Phil
This week I’ve noticed a number of interesting coincidences, most of which involve my friend and occasional mentor, Dr. Philip Trapp, who I affectionately call The Original Dr. Phil. Phil is my colleague and Professor [...]
St. Vincent: Patron Saint of Bullied Kids?
It’s the movie award season and one movie that got some buzz was St. Vincent. Bill Murray plays Vincent, the acerbic neighbor who lives next door to Oliver and his mother. Oliver’s mom works late [...]
No Time to Be Helped: The Challenge of Supporting Military Families
A few months ago I received a grant from the U.S. Department of Education to develop a strategic model for school-based mentoring (SBM) that school districts can use to support students whose families serve in [...]
The Reconnect
The most adaptive parent-child relationships provide children with three conditions over time—an abiding message of being accepted emotionally, a sense that certain behaviors (e.g., hurting others) will not be tolerated, and values-based leadership from parents’ [...]