I included this page because I wanted a space where I could write about relationships other than parenting and mentoring. I called the page Self & Other because that’s what relationships are—the task of forming and sustaining a connection between self and other.
As a clinical psychologist, I have the privilege of helping people who are struggling in the most intimate areas of their lives. One of those areas is, of course, the quality or quantity of their interpersonal relationships. Some folks are frustrated in their relationships; others are frustrated because they’re not in relationships.
I see interpersonal relationships as one side of a triangle that embodies our emotional health and wellbeing. The other 2 sides are also commonly heard concerns in the office of a clinical psychologist: self-worth and emotions.
These 3 factors generally move in the same direction.
When relationships are going well we tend to feel good and also feel good about who we are as a person. When relationships are going poorly or end badly, the feelings can be quite strong and very negative, just like the self-doubt that also creeps in.
So my goal is to offer a bit of guidance and insight about how to understand and manage emotions, self, and relationships.
By the way, nothing I offer here should be viewed as therapy or professional advice. I am a licensed clinical psychologist, but that’s not my role on this site.
St. Vincent: Patron Saint of Bullied Kids?
It’s the movie award season and one movie that got some buzz was St. Vincent. Bill Murray plays Vincent, the acerbic neighbor who lives next door to Oliver and his mother. Oliver’s mom works late [...]
No Time to Be Helped: The Challenge of Supporting Military Families
A few months ago I received a grant from the U.S. Department of Education to develop a strategic model for school-based mentoring (SBM) that school districts can use to support students whose families serve in [...]
The Reconnect
The most adaptive parent-child relationships provide children with three conditions over time—an abiding message of being accepted emotionally, a sense that certain behaviors (e.g., hurting others) will not be tolerated, and values-based leadership from parents’ [...]
Heading into a Bumpy Valentine’s Day? Consider the Paradoxes of Love
Most have heard Steve Miller’s song The Joker and his famous line “‘cause I speak of the pompatus of love” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PmVusVh4TRQ). I can’t speak to that but I can tell you about the paradoxes of [...]
The 3rd Option: How Parents Can Respond to In-Between Behaviors
Parents’ role as family leader emerges naturally from their success at adopting a posture of acceptance combined with a narrow but effectively disciplinary focus. Accepting and containing are two basic and very different options when [...]
Mentoring Children of Incarcerated Parents — from the Chronicle of Evidence-Based Mentoring
http://chronicle.umbmentoring.org/mentoring-youth-of-incarcerated-parents-my-experience-volunteering-at-big-brothers-big-sisters/